‘To err is human, to forgive divine’ is an old and almost spiritual saying. It is also said that only bold people can forget and it is difficult for the weak to forgive. But it is not easy to forgive . In fact, I would say, it is very difficult to forgive, particularly when the slight has been personal. The more it relates to the ‘person’, the more difficult it is to forget. The weak would actually like to forget and forgive the slights given by the powerful. But it may not be very easy to forgive even these slights. It may be prudent to give an example.
It was shared by a friend. Well, in India it might have happened to any one. As ill luck would have it, the only son of the friend was diagnosed to have brain tumour. Indian culture subsumes that at such tragic times, the in-laws are a great support. They are supposed to be the strong prop on whom the daughter and son-in-law can lean, both financially and emotionally. Of, course, over the years of consumerism, this has diluted but still it holds water. But in this case the in-laws (father-in-law and mother in law only visited once , that too, casually without offering any support. It was learnt that the marriage of the sister-in-law had been fixed while the son of the friend was being operated at PGI Chandigarh. For obvious reasons no one from this side attended the marriage.
Unfortunately, after about five months the ailing son expired. The mourning was too deep for the parents of the deceased but the prop for solace was not available even now except only as a formality. In fact within two months of the death, the marriage of the brother-in-law was fixed. This had to be attended but my friend could not enjoy at all. In fact he developed a depression syndrome which he could not discuss even with his wife. It has been over two decades since this tragedy and celebrations took place but my friend, as he shares, has not been able to either forget or forgive his in-laws for the ‘cruelty’. God knows, there might be some strong reasons for the in-laws to have solemnized two marriages within six months when their own daughter was under such a tremendous strain. But the issue was never discussed in the intervening period. So my friend keeps the ‘knots’ and becomes tense whenever they have to meet.
I wonder whether my friend would dubbed as weak, selfish or too sentimental. And, by God, such experiences may be galore with every one. Despite the fact that keeping the grudge is costing them their own happiness, it might be difficult to become DIVINE!